Come out, come out…

by Starla J. King on October 11, 2012

It’s National Coming Out day… a day we set aside to acknowledge what it takes to find and live our own True path.

It’s about looking yourself in the eye and asking the really tough questions of “Who am I — really?” and “What do I need — really?”

It’s about sticking with yourself long enough to hear your own honest answers, even as a soloist in very real danger of being drowned out by a chorus of disapproval.

My wife and I ... much younger

It’s about deciding for yourself … for     your     self … what it means to live an authentic life where your lifestyle matches your soulstyle and your love matches the shape of your heart.

It’s about embracing those who walk with you, and growing compassion for those who don’t (remember how hard you’ve fought your own truth??)

It’s about honoring and celebrating — in every single one of us — the long long long process of self-discovery, self-preservation, and self-expression.

And in some cases it is even about life or death.

If you’re just beginning a coming out process and are too scared to speak your words out loud, then write them down.  Whisper them to your journal in the quiet light of morning or the soft embrace of evening.  Practice being who you really are in the sacred space of your notebook.  Observe yourself in the mirror of your words until you welcome the reflection.

And one day those words will sprout the courage you need to step out as The Real You.  (I know this works — just ask my journals … and my wife of 16 years).

So on this National Coming Out Day, I celebrate you… and you… and you over there waaay in the back… I celebrate you for every step you (have) take(n) in your own footprints.

Here’s to living out loud … at any volume.

Creative expression is a powerful way to get to The Real You.  I’d be honored to support your self-discovery process through creativity coaching.  Contact me to experience a sample coaching session and step into stepping out!

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

rebecca @ altared spaces October 11, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Hearing my own answers is truly a coming out. It’s a birth process for SURE. Frightening and nerve racking. When I can have compassion for those “who don’t walk with me,” will that be the day I can allow myself a real voice?


Starla J. King October 11, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Ah, Rebecca, what IS it that makes our own answers so “stepping-into-the-deep-woods-at-night” scary?!?!?

Here’s what I’ve experienced about the compassion piece: that in moments of compassion, fear dissolves. And when fear dissolves, my real voice shows up.

I suspect it’s similar for you… what do you think??


Carmen October 11, 2012 at 7:16 pm

My coming out involved leaving my marriage and becoming a divorced person… it just meant that I was finally honest with myself, the world and *gulp* his church that this supposed-to-be-love thing… wasn’t. No more pretending things were fine when they sucked so bad I wanted to die. So some folks are a little uncomfortable with that whole divorce thing… but they don’t have to live in my skin, I do. They don’t have to survive my life, I do. As a bonus I am ridculously happy.


Starla J. King October 12, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Carmen, that is one he** of a HUGE coming out! It’s so interesting (and makes so much sense)… I’ve talked with a few others who too have said their divorce felt like a coming out.

I for one am ridiculously happy that your wish-for-death suckness turned into being ridiculously happy. Yep, that’s one amazing coming out.



Amy October 21, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Here’s to the long, long, long process of self discovery (and the fear that accompanies the long, long days). Here’s to women who came out when divorce wasn’t acceptable (Yes Carmen, there’s an “amen” in your corner). Here’s to two lost souls whom find true north in each other. Here’s to life!


Starla J. King October 23, 2012 at 11:21 am

Amy, YES to all of that!!!!


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